


Hearts

by cpeeps



Category: Tangled (2010), Tangled: The Series (Cartoon)
Genre: Coming to terms with being gay, F/F, F/M, Gay, Internalized Homophobia, LGBT, M/M, Multi, Other, TTS, Tangled: The Series, blatant self insert, tangled
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-08
Updated: 2019-01-08
Packaged: 2019-10-06 22:31:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,823
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17353835
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cpeeps/pseuds/cpeeps
Summary: Eugene has to come to terms with his sexuality after a strenuous past pertaining to his relationship with it, and he hurts multiple people on his journey to self discovery. It'll all be okay in the end though.





	Hearts

**Author's Note:**

> hi!! this is the first fic i've ever posted since middle school, writing is by no means a huge hobby of mine but i'm gay for eugene and i just want him to be Gay Like Me. i don't actually fully know if i'll write more stuff or finish it but i'm happy with how this first chapter turned out and if i can stay motivated and not have a panic attack over unorganized writing, i'd like to fully put together the story i have in mind! also, while this is incredibly self indulgent and i mostly wrote it so i could make eugene gay for me the story is still mostly centered around eugene. 
> 
> also, this first chapter was pretty much singlehandedly inspired by william finn's "in trousers," especially the song "the nausea before the game."

Eugene rubbed his forehead, he had a horrible headache. He had been sitting in his room alone for hours, mulling over what had just occurred with Rapunzel. 

What happened. What did he do. Why can’t he just keep it together. He felt tears pricking his eyes. God, he hasn’t cried about this in a while. He had an ever persistent pit in his stomach, his heart felt empty. He was scared. He blew it.

Rapunzel had tried to get intimate with Eugene, more-so than usual. Eugene was ok with kissing, hugging, maybe cuddling. It was ok.

But Rapunzel had suggested they do more. He tried to go along with it for a little bit but a feeling of dread crept over him with every passing moment. When Rapunzel pulled him into a position where he was pinning her to the bed, he knew he couldn’t do it. But he had to. He loves Rapunzel. He loves Rapunzel. He loves Rapunzel. He loves Rapunzel.

Seconds felt like hours, as though the world was moving in slow motion. He was still. He was light headed. He was nauseous. He had to do it.

Rapunzel looked up at him with a sweet, loving, & eager expression, and yet… he was paralyzed. Her expression only aided in his unease and put his stomach in knots. It was horrible. He couldn’t move to make any further actions towards her. He was still for a few more seconds.

“Eugene?”

He snapped out of it.

“Uh, y-yeah. Sorry”

He had to do something. Anything.

He moved away.

What are you doing, idiot?

He sat down on the side of the bed and looked away. The bed shifted and Rapunzel adjusted herself to be next to him.

“Eugene, are you okay?”

“Yeah I-I am, don’t sweat it, blondie. I’m just… not in the mood!”

He faked a reassuring smile, pretending as though his insides weren’t a twisted mess. Rapunzel wasn't the only one he was trying to convince that he was ok.

“Are you sure? I’m-I’m soooo sorry if it felt like I was forcing you into doing anything, I don’t want to do it if you don’t! I can wait until you’re ready, there’s no rush!”

Something about that was off to Eugene. Nothing about that should be making him uncomfortable. She was being her usual sweet, understanding, caring self. Still, something was messing with him. The prospect of being… ready. He didn’t know if he ever would be ready to do it with her, he only had an inkling of an idea why he wouldn’t be but it was wrong. He wouldn’t be like that, he couldn’t. He had to be ready. Just not tonight, the idea of it at the moment made him feel like passing out. He’d be ready at some point though.

“It’s okay, honey, I promise, you didn’t do anything! There’s just… a lot on my mind today.”

‘Honey.’ The pet name felt sickening sliding off his tongue. It always did. But that’s how people referred to their significant others, with sweet pet names. It just didn’t feel natural. It felt slimy, gross, wrong.

“I’m so so _so_ sorry Eugene, Do you want... do you want to talk? Are you okay? I’m all ears if you have anything you need to talk about.”

She was looking at Eugene with a loving, worried expression. Her hand rested on his arm, but he averted his gaze. 

_I do need to talk. I don’t know what’s happening, I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I feel disgusting. Why can’t I love you, there’s no reason not to. What is my problem._

“I think I… I think I just need some time alone! I’m fine, I just need some sleep, ya know?”

“Mmmm… Okay, but… Please, please please please come get me if you need anything, I’m always always here! I love you!!!”

His heart dropped upon hearing those last three words. Replying to her didn't even really occur to him, as he was too focused on the pit in his stomach.

Rapunzel wrapped her arms around him and kissed him on the top of his head before leaving and it took everything in his power not to flinch away, for it would only worsen his case.

Once Rapunzel reached the door, she looked back at Eugene, a worried look painting her face. Reluctantly, she turned her head back around and hesitantly closed the door.

The door shut, acting as a cue for Eugene to push himself back against the wall. His insides were a mess, he couldn’t take it.

Here we are, back in the present.

After hours of stressed silence in his room accompanied by on and off silent crying at varying levels of intensity, he finally drifted off into a dreamless sleep.

In the morning there were a few blissful moments during which memories from the previous night were absent from Eugene’s mind. He got up and did his usual morning routine. Everything was ok for a bit, but once he was in the shower he remembered. Showers for him were usually good, he got to take a few moments to groom himself and have some clear thoughts, usually followed by at least 6 minutes of looking at himself in the mirror. This shower though, it was different. He was back in the space he was last night, unable to take his mind off of things. He scrubbed his skin with the sponge more violently than usual, subconsciously punishing himself.

He was trying to figure things out. Maybe he could try it again tonight? Would that be too soon? How could he make it work?

He tried to build a scenario in his head, he’s sure he can feel the attraction if he tries hard enough. Sure, he’s been trying for… a year? But that doesn’t have to mean anything if he ignores it.

_I sit on the couch with my arm wrapped around Rapunzel’s side._

_She’s so sweet. She’s so good to me. I love her romantically, right? I have to. She’s so nice, she cares about me so much._

_Rapunzel turns to me, she tells me she loves me._

Eugene’s thoughts fade for a few seconds.

_I tell her I love her too._

_Well, what do I do now? I think I should be kissing her but…_

_Come on._

_I tell her I love her again._

_She kisses me?_

_I tell her I think she’s pretty._

_Come on, come on, come on._

He rests his head on the wall of the shower, he can’t go any further. He can’t think of anything else to do. A frustrated sigh escapes him, he doesn’t want to think about this anymore.

He gets out of the shower and gets dressed. Uncharacteristically, he doesn’t even wanna look at his body right now. It brings up too many questions.

To take his mind off of things he decides to see what’s going on around the castle and find out anything new that might be happening in Corona that he could use to take his mind off of things, while vehemently making sure to avoid Rapunzel at all costs until he knows what to say to her.

He made his way down the hallways of the castle, his demeanor dripping with faux confidence, prominent in his every action & step. To his disappointment, there’s not much of note going on today. A few guards mentioned reports of a thief that doesn’t match the description of any known criminals in Corona, which is a bad sign to say the least, but it doesn’t interest Eugene much at the moment. Not enough to pursue it as something to focus his energy on today.

“Hey, Fitzherbert.”

A familiar voice emanates from one of the the intersecting hallways. It sounds even icier than usual.

“Yeeees?”

Eugene turned towards the hallway from which Cassandra was walking towards him.

“Alright. Let's make this quick because, to be frank, every second of talking to you is pure agony for me, but I ne-”

“Sheesh, Cold.”

“Shh, sh sh sh!” 

She waved her arms irritatedly, her arms resting at her sides, hands in fists. 

“Don’t make this longer than it has to be. I just need to ask you about something.”

“Okay, Okay. What do you need?”

Eugene rolled his eyes and crossed his arms

“It’s about Rapunzel.”

He froze up & his heart dropped.

“Uhhh, what about it-her?”

Cassandra ignores his slip up. “She’s been quieter than usual today. She seems sad about something, do you have any idea why she might be upset?”

Oh god, it’s his fault, he did this. He made her feel bad. She feels like she can’t be loved or something, she’s sad. How could he do this. He’s so weak, he didn’t even try. How selfish could he be.

Telling Cassandra was absolutely off the table. She’d surely make fun of him or get angry at him. She’d tell him he was bad for not doing it and she’d tell him it’s his fault and she’d tell him he’s weird for not being attracted to her and she’d tell Rapunzel he was horrible. Worst of all, he wouldn’t be able to deny any of it. All of those things are true, plus, Cassandra isn’t one for lying. He just couldn’t take hearing it from someone else.

“Huh- Noooo, I have-I have absolutely _no_ clue why she could be feeling like that, I’ll talk to her about it- later.”

God he sucked at lying when he was under pressure. 

Cassandra eyed him suspiciously.

“Fitzherbert, I swear, if I find out that you did anything-ANYTHING-to hurt Rapunzel you’re _dead,_ got it?”

“What do you mean, hurt Rapunzel? I love Rapunzel! How could you even accuse me of that?”

He waved his arms in his usual exaggerated fashion, acting offended & angry. It felt so fake and… wrong.

He felt sick. He did hurt her. He was lying through his teeth, what was his problem.

He should just tell her right there and let her kill him, but that’s… cowardly. He’s not a coward. He has to face this. It’s just so… hard.

Cassandra rolled her eyes.

“I don’t have time for this, I don’t want to leave Raps alone for too long, but as I said, Eugene Fitzherbert, if you did ANYTHI-”

“Yeah, Yeah, if I did anything to hurt her you’ll kill me, I get it. Adios.”

Cassandra scowled at him and left in the direction of Rapunzel’s room without another word.

Eugene couldn’t take it anymore, he felt like he was suffocating. He had to leave the castle and get some fresh air. He couldn’t be here, not now. Actually, maybe he would see what he can find out about that thief the guards were telling him about. It’s… it’s much better than the death sentence that is being left alone with nothing than his own thoughts. It was something to focus on at least.


End file.
